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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159943">The Janitor's Closet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eat_mycasserole/pseuds/eat_mycasserole'>eat_mycasserole</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Wilds (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandonment, Adoption, Alternate Universe - High School, Anger Management, Angst, Child Neglect, Coming Out, Endearments, F/F, F/M, Fist Fights, Friendship, Homophobia, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Love/Hate, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Tension, Sisters, Vulnerability</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:27:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eat_mycasserole/pseuds/eat_mycasserole</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Toni gets into an unpleasant encounter with her homophobic high school tormentor - Andrew. She manages to find herself in the janitor's supply closet with someone she had least expected.</p><p>Shelby Goodkind, the school's one and only 'Pageant Princess'.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Andrew/Shelby Goodkind, Dot Campbell &amp; Fatin Jadmani, Fatin Jadmani &amp; Leah Rilke, Fatin Jadmani/Toni Shalifoe, Martha Blackburn &amp; Toni Shalifoe, Nora Reid &amp; Rachel Reid, Regan/Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind &amp; Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The air was thick with tension: so much so that she was pretty sure she could cut through the air with a blunt butter knife. The janitor’s closet was far from sanitary but, despite that, it was packed tightly with putrid cleaning products that seemed to tear at her nostrils. The cement floor was uncared for, to say the least: it was littered with old chewing gum and ripped condom packets. Typical.</p><p>When she had slammed open the nearest door, she hadn’t expected it to be quite as repulsive as this room. She couldn’t help but grimace. Her friend either hadn’t seemed to notice the vile surroundings or she hadn’t found it in herself to care. She was slumped against the mop bucket, her head tucked so far into her knees that her spine was arched at a worrying angle. </p><p>Shelby had never seen her look so devastated. As soon as she had noticed the brooding girl storming towards their locker, she knew that something was wrong; whether it was the pure fury swirling in her eyes or the reddened cuts on her knuckles that were stretched tightly over the bones by her side, she wasn’t sure. Whatever had happened she knew it had messed with her head. </p><p>Suddenly the awkwardness had caught up with her, she fiddled with the fraying material of her ripped jeans to ease her anxiousness. Should she leave?</p><p>Her overthinking was cut short when the furious girl lifted her neck, her spine righting itself. Their eyes connected intensely. There was a whole sandstorm of emotions behind those eyes, emotions Shelby couldn’t even begin to understand. </p><p>‘I’m not fishing for sympathy okay; I don’t give a shit about what you think so stop looking at me like I’m some goddamn book you’re trying to read.’ She spat out harshly – her voice was hoarse as if she had just recently been in a shouting match and her vocal cords were paying the price. Shelby didn’t flinch but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting. </p><p>She returned her gaze to the floor, ‘I wasn’t,’ she muttered back. </p><p>‘Why did you even bring me in here?’ She gestured to the closet with both hands, ‘I don’t need you to save me all the goddamn time,’ she stood up and moved towards the taller girl threateningly. Despite standing at her full height now, her spine was curved slightly – she was almost sneering at her with just her body language. Shelby shuffled back a few steps; she knew she did not want to be on the receiving end of this rage.</p><p>The room was small, maybe 2 metres by 5 and she knew that there wasn’t much space left behind her, especially because of the clutter stored in here. ‘You always swoop in to rescue me, to stop me from doing something I’m going to regret, you’re always the do-gooder, right? Helping out the local troubled so you can put it on your stupid college application?’ Shelby knew she had to say something, but she wasn’t sure what to say to distinguish the situation. </p><p>They were barely a metre apart now, the shorter girl's finger jutting in her face accusingly. </p><p>This was stupid, she was Shelby Goodkind. She doesn’t let just anyone get in her face. </p><p>She shoved the offending finger out of her way and stood straighter, the height difference between the two was more noticeable now, ‘I don’t know what has happened to make you this angry, but I know for a fact it ain’t supposed to be directed at me – I brought you into here because I thought you needed some support, someone, to speak to. God forbid anyone being on your side, right?’ Her hands were raised and were moving erratically with every word she spoke. </p><p>Toni looked shocked but quickly recovered, sneering and not backing out of the fight, ‘You’re so biblical aren’t you, there’s not one minute when you aren’t trying to suck up to your religion, well get it into your thick skull you God-fearing pageant princess – I’m not some kind of charity case and I am not something for you to pour your religious right-doings into.’ By the end of that rant Toni’s chest was heaving, brow furrowed and eyes angry.</p><p>This was a bad idea, Shelby thought. Regret filled her whole body and she backed away from the physically shaking girl. How stupid she was to drag her into this room, to think that Toni would even want to speak to her and then to pour gasoline on the fire. Stupid. Stupid.</p><p>Her hand reached up and tangled into the strands of her blonde hair. This was a mistake, this was a very stupid mistake. Toni hadn’t stopped approaching her – she was getting closer and closer by the second. </p><p>She had to do something before this took a turn for the worse. </p><p>Shelby made a split-second decision and enveloped Toni in an embrace. The other girl was hot and tense to the touch and her heart was racing dangerously fast. She scrunched her eyes closed in fear, this could go horribly wrong. It felt like hours before the other girl said anything but, in reality, it was probably only a couple of seconds. </p><p>Finally, Toni’s shoulders relaxed, she let out a shaky breath and her forehead dropped onto the taller girl’s shoulder. </p><p>They were silent for a while.</p><p>‘Andrew said something about my birth parents’. Toni’s voice was quiet and vulnerable, her eyes downcast ashamedly. Shelby thought it might have had something to do with him; he’s always been infatuated with picking on the girl. It infuriated her no end.</p><p>Shelby's grip tightened. That son of a -. Toni sighed again, interrupting her thoughts, ‘I’m sorry for what I said. I know this wasn’t your fault. I just picked the next best person to snap at.’  She had loosened herself from the embrace and now Toni’s brown eyes were looking up at her, ‘I really am sorry, I didn’t mean what I said about your religion I was jus-‘ Toni’s apology was cut short by Shelby’s lips on hers. </p><p>She wasn’t sure what she was doing, but she wasn’t about to stop now. Shelby felt Toni lace her hands into her hair, pulling her closer to her. It was passionate but not rough, just perfect she thought. Her hair smelt of pinewood and mint – it was comforting. </p><p>They both broke away for air, both of their lips were pleasantly swollen, and their hair mussed.</p><p>‘I... Wow’ Toni said in disbelief; she hadn’t broken eye contact with Shelby yet. Toni was studying her closely, and she was sure the blood had rushed to her cheeks. She must have looked like a mess. ‘You look so beautiful,’ the other girl said almost as though she could read her thoughts. If she seemed red before, she sure as hell was now. </p><p>‘Shut up, idiot’ Shelby half-giggled half-whispered. Toni smiled and reached up to tuck a strand of beach blonde hair behind her ear.</p><p> Their peaceful atmosphere was abruptly interrupted when the door flew open. </p><p>Not even a second had passed before the intruder spoke.</p><p> ‘I KNEW IT!’ The raven-haired girl yelled obnoxiously loudly at the sight of them. </p><p>In the span of a millisecond the two intimate girls had jumped apart, creating a space between each other that felt like a canyon. They both side-eyed each other awkwardly. </p><p>‘Oh don’t be like that, I won’t tell anyone... apart from Leah and Nora and Dot and Rachel and –‘Fatin began counting off with her finger before she was interrupted by Toni who looked displeased. </p><p> ‘Yeah, we get it Fati, can you just please try and keep it on the down-low?’ She looked uneasily at Shelby; the blonde was going to be impacted the most if this got out of hand.</p><p>‘Yeah, okay – my lips are sealed’ She winked as she drew her index finger and thumb across her lips in a ‘zip-like’ motion. Fatin closed the janitor door on her way out and they were once again alone in the now uncomfortably spacious closet. </p><p>She glanced at Toni out of the corner of her eye, the girl was standing similarly to her. She watched her movements; one hand was fiddling with the material of her basketball shorts, the other ghosting over her lips. She was so lost in remembering what the kiss had been like she hadn’t realised that Toni had addressed her.</p><p>‘Hello?’ she said worriedly, waving her hand a little in front of her face. She swallowed thickly. When had she gotten so close? ‘Did you hear what I said?’ Toni smirked. Shelby shook her head slowly.</p><p>‘I said, can I see you again? Like… soon?’ There was no way Toni had just asked her to… </p><p>‘Erm yes,’ Shelby coughed out, suddenly remembering she had a voice, ‘I’d love to,’ she caught herself smiling like a fool. </p><p>‘Let me know when you want to meet up,’ Toni whispered - slipping a folded-up piece of paper into her hand - with a small smile on her lips; they were perfect, Shelby couldn’t help but want to kiss them again. Toni made her way towards the janitor door, stopping just before it. She swivelled back around, taking the few steps back towards Shelby before leaning up and placing a kiss just shy of her lips. </p><p>Her heart stopped dead in her chest. </p><p>By the time she’d processed what had just happened the door had already swung back on its hinge, once again shutting off the college chatter. </p><p>Shelby glanced down at the crumpled piece of paper and couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of her. </p><p>Only Toni Shalifoe would have a pre-prepared piece of paper with her number on it, she thought amusedly to herself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Toni doesn't hear back from Shelby, her mental health takes a turn for the worst and her darkest demons are back to haunt her. </p><p>Little does she know, Shelby is in as much pain as she is after her father discovers her private journal, full to the brim of her deepest desires. </p><p>What will become of the two after they are pushed to the limit?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Today marked 2 weeks since she’d given Shelby her number on that slip of paper. </p><p>Fourteen days of waiting, wondering whether the moment they had shared meant nearly as much to the blonde as it had to herself. She felt embarrassed, stupid for even considering that this could have gone any differently. After all, the Goodkind family was a hateful one. And as much as Toni didn’t want to believe it, Shelby was a Goodkind.</p><p>She wiped the sweat from her brow with a shaky hand. </p><p>She had been working herself for hours. She was not unfamiliar with this overwhelming desire to push herself over the limit.</p><p>The chuckle that left her lips was not one of humour but of resentment: whether that was for Shelby or Regan, her Mother, or just herself. </p><p>Her feet pounded the concrete: the harder she pushed herself the less she seemed to feel. Little did she know that she was nearing the precipice.</p><p>The darkness that lurked within her was not finished. It was not easy to chase away her demons, they were persistent. They would feast upon her until there was nothing until all that was left was her brittle bones. </p><p>Her mind slipped back to that day when social services had come knocking at her door, the confusion etched across her features once the lady had explained the situation; that she was being ripped from her home, or what was left of it. </p><p>Toni remembers looking back at her mother in terror as the woman told her to get her belongings. She only saw relief in her mother’s eyes – as if she were ridding herself of a nuisance. She remembers it all like it was yesterday.</p><p>Still, after all these years, the pain of rejection and abandonment lay so close to the surface that it was threatening to spill over. </p><p>She hadn’t even got to say goodbye that day, the lady dragging her unwilling body out of the porch door before she could say any final words. Now the anger was coming. She was furious. </p><p>Her breathing was uneven, her ribcage struggling to contain her rapidly inflating lungs, the thick, swollen muscles thrashing against the bones threatening to split them open. She felt trapped: she heaved and heaved but with each desperate breath she took, the control seemed to ebb away from her.</p><p>Desperately, she scanned her surroundings for something to save her. Anything.</p><p>A scrapped-up car caught her attention, it was about 20 feet away from her. It was tethered to the earth with vines and moss, immobile. The windshield was completely shattered, and the paint scratched off as if someone had taken a pitchfork to it and she grinned with spite at the pitifulness of it. This would do she thought.</p><p>She looked for a weapon, something she could use to batter it further. Although a part of her was hesitant to let out her anger on this car, it had already seen the wars. And Toni figured some more damage wouldn’t change much of anything.</p><p>Like a switch, the doubt evaporated from her thoughts.</p><p>‘You are weak and pathetic.’ Toni spat out, her voice wavering. She clawed at her bloodshot eyes with her calloused fingers - she wasn’t sure what she was referring to.</p><p>She snatched the wooden plank to her left. It was conveniently long, with nasty uneven sides – if she were to run her fingers across it, they would surely bleed from the jaggedness. At the tip, three rusted nails seemed to smirk at her. This was going to be fun.</p><p>The next steps filled her with intoxicating adrenaline as she neared the car. She grinned through the tears, readjusting her grip on the plank. She towered above the scrap metal, her arms raised above her head.  She closed her eyes and let out a ragged breath, a few more tears escaping the corners of her eyelids. </p><p>Pathetic.</p><p>She snarled and brought her arms down with astounding force. The sound the weathered wood and nails made as it connected with its victim was extremely satisfying. </p><p>Crunch. The metal caved in with the force of the blow. </p><p>Something broke inside of her then as if it was she who had been struck, and the dam broke. The preternatural sound clawed its way up her throat and ripped itself from her mouth. She shuddered with the overwhelming wave of pain that crashed over her mind.</p><p>Toni let out wail after wail as she brought the wood down, again and again. A sharp pain caught her attention but was quickly forgotten as she continued to strike the car repeatedly until she was forced to lean over the frame to catch her breath.</p><p>The pure weight of her body was crushing her lungs. </p><p>This reminded her of that night with Regan: that dreaded night when her anger had got the better of her, and she ruined something good. Again. </p><p>The wood had been discarded to the grass. It lay there, sneering up at her. </p><p>She wasn’t making any noise now. The screaming was internal: her bones seemed to tremble, her body so fatigued she couldn’t even find the strength to cry let alone hold herself up. </p><p>Once her breathing had returned to normal, and she felt she could stand without passing out from dizziness, she pushed herself off of the frame, finding her balance. Her delirious gaze connected with her white trainers; they were stained with earth. She’d obviously dug them into the dirt at some point, too lost to notice. </p><p>Minutes passed before she felt the rays of the sun warm her face for its last moments, before it sunk lower, slipping beneath the horizon.</p><p>Soon she was left in darkness. This time though, it wasn’t the bottomless abyss of her mind.</p><p>I need to get to Martha’s... she thought. The girl would be worried by now. </p><p>Toni took one last look at the beat-up mess behind her, an uncomfortable feeling filling her chest. She rubbed at it absentmindedly, before turning and starting down the concrete road once again. </p><p>She tried to concentrate on the sounds of distant traffic, but nothing could distract her from the utterly mind-numbing tiredness she felt. She was exhausted.</p><p>--</p><p>When she arrived back at Marty’s house the girl was already waiting for her. </p><p>Toni grimaced: the younger girl did not look happy. </p><p>‘Where have you been?’ Martha questioned, her brow was furrowed, and she had her arms crossed like a disappointed mother. </p><p>Toni gulped, ‘I… er, was on a run.’ She gestured at her attire stiffly as if the answer was obvious. </p><p>Martha’s scowl only deepened, and she pointed at Toni’s forearms questioningly. Her eyes followed and she realised what her friend had been pointing at. During her meltdown, she had obviously managed to catch the razor-edged wood on her skin and as she had imagined would happen, and it had shredded parts of the flesh. </p><p>She sighed. There was no escaping this one.</p><p>‘Okay, fine,’ Toni caved.</p><p>She told Marty everything there was to tell, about the incident with Shelby in the closet, about her memories of her mother that had suffocated her; she even described how she had savaged the abandoned car she had found and explained how that’s how she must have gotten the reddened abrasions. </p><p>Toni wasn’t proud of her actions: the guilt consumed her, as always. Everything she did was derived from anger and she destroyed things. She ruined things that didn’t deserve to be ruined.</p><p>She gritted her teeth, the harrowing feeling returning to her chest. </p><p>Before she could realise what was happening, Martha had taken her into her arms, lowering them both to the stone steps outside her front door. Toni let herself relax into the embrace of her closest friend; relax in the knowledge that she was safe now. Martha wouldn’t let her hurt anyone else - not even herself.</p><p>They remained in silence for a while. Content in each other’s company but Toni could feel Marty begin to shift uneasily as if she were deciding whether or not to say something.<br/>
She didn’t push: if the other girl was going to tell her she would.</p><p>Martha cleared her throat before rubbing the side of her arm, ‘Shelby came round earlier, she was in a rush. I almost couldn’t understand what she was saying,’ Toni stiffened. Shelby had come looking for her. ‘She was looking for you, something about her dad ripping something up. I couldn’t get a word in edgeways - she was almost hysterical. Does that mean anything to you?’</p><p>Questions filled her head, but the information didn’t ease her. If what Martha had said was true, about Shelby’s dad ripping up the paper with her number on it, that didn’t mean she couldn’t have approached her at school. She would have understood. She would have given it to her again. The confusion turned to irritation as the possibilities raced through her mind.</p><p>‘I take that as a yes…?’ Toni removed herself from Martha: she didn’t want to sit anymore, she felt heated again. </p><p>‘Toni, she was close to tears. Whatever is going on, don’t jump the gun okay – you know how that family is.’ Martha reasoned, sensing the older girl’s thinly veiled annoyance.</p><p>Toni took a breath, nodding to herself. She is right, I don’t know what happened, it could be anything and I won’t know until I ask her. Innocent until proven guilty after all.  She finally looked at Martha and gave her a genuine smile. </p><p>‘I’m sorry for making you worry, I just really lost it. Can we go inside? I’ve lost the feeling in my toes and I’m pretty sure I’ll need to make sure there is no dirt inside these cuts.’ Toni motioned to her forearms.</p><p>Martha didn’t need to reply. She just took Toni’s hand into hers and pulled her up the steps and closed the door behind them. The smell that Toni was confronted with was not a disappointing one. Ms. Blackburn had obviously been busy with cooking because the smell was salivating, and it caused her stomach to growl in distress.  </p><p>She hadn’t realised how starving she was until now. </p><p>Bernice smiled at them both once she noticed their presence. ‘Hi, girls, ready to eat?’ Her smile was kind and inviting, the type that would make just about anyone feel at home. Already, Toni felt much better. </p><p>She returned the smile with a nod and dropped herself rather unceremoniously into the wooden chair at the head of the table. ‘Smells delicious.’ </p><p>She would deal with this Shelby business tomorrow. She was exhausted and extremely hungry and couldn’t help but drool at the sight of the spaghetti bolognese which was served in front of her. </p><p>Shelby could wait.</p><p>--</p><p>The sickening feeling hadn’t left her stomach since she’d arrived home after that day.</p><p>She remembered the disgusted look on his face when she had walked through the front door; how immediately her good mood had disintegrated into fear.</p><p>..</p><p>Something was wrong, she thought. She pushed the heavy white door open and retracted her keys from the lock. The silence in her house was unnerving and she gripped the slip of paper in her hand tighter.</p><p>He had been waiting for her. </p><p>Her heart dropped to her stomach. That look he was sending her way was one of pure hatred. That look could only mean one thing. Shelby’s gaze dropped to her father’s hand which hung loosely at his side. Just like she had thought, he had her journal in his grip. </p><p>She could already feel the tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. That journal had ever thought about her sexuality: her feelings for Becca and the kiss they had shared, the kiss she had initiated. But more importantly her recent feelings about Toni Shalifoe. </p><p>Her eyes shut momentarily. She didn’t even know what to say. This was bad. </p><p>The glare that was being sent her way left no space for words.</p><p>Shelby was waiting for him to say something, anything. Nothing she could say now would change anything. Not only had she lied to his face about the Becca incident, but now he had found more evidence that his own daughter was corrupted. </p><p>The longer he stood there, in silence, the closer she was to breaking. </p><p>His next movement shocked her. He flung the journal at her and it narrowly missed the side of her face.  She was so shocked she just stood there frozen, as it hit the wall and fell awkwardly on the floor, the pages creasing. </p><p>‘I’m so disappointed in you. This is…’ Her gaze was brought back to him as he held his hands up accusingly, gesturing at her. ‘This is not you. You have been infected.’ He was almost spitting at her with how violently he said those words. Her thoughts strayed to the other person that had pointed at her accusingly today, and she couldn’t help but wish that Toni would come and save her right now. </p><p>‘If I ever hear about this again…..,’ he continued, but Shelby was beginning to disappear into her mind until she could no longer hear what her father was saying, she could only see his lips moving aggressively. Her surroundings melted around her until she was back in the closet with Toni that morning; how free she had felt in that moment – her arms wrapped loosely around the other girl’s waist as they had connected lips. A tear ran involuntarily down her cheek. </p><p>She honed back onto the words her father was saying, ‘…… will follow you and report back to me, if I hear that you so much as look in that repulsive girl’s direction, I will have you sent back to that summer camp immediately, and let’s not even get into what will happen to Ms. Shalifoe.’ Her gaze snapped up at that last part. He noticed this and an evil glint alighted in his eyes. </p><p>His gaze lowered to her clenched fists and he must have seen the piece of paper because he strode over to her and she couldn’t help but tense in fear. He held his hand just in front of her and he didn’t even need to say anything for her to drop it, obediently, into his hand. She clenched her eyes tighter, shame filling her whole body. There was no fight in her. She had just let her only connection with Toni go just like that. Without any resistance.<br/>
She was so pathetic.</p><p>..</p><p>She remembered that night like it was yesterday. The following weeks had been hell. Andrew had been on her tail every second of every day, watching her move like a hungry predator, eager to rat her out to her father.</p><p>Every day she considered just running up to Toni and dealing with the consequences. But she knew that the consequences weren’t just for her: her father was an influential man and just the thought of what he would do to Toni silenced her. The other girl didn’t deserve to be dragged into her mess, but the thought of Toni hating her after Shelby had not contacted her was excruciating. It had been two weeks since the janitor’s closet and it was beginning to become unbearable. All she wanted was to run to Toni and be in her arms once again.</p><p>Her thoughts were interrupted by an obnoxious voice. ‘You’re always so goddamn moody. You’re such a bore – if it weren’t to make Mr. Goodkind happy, I would have binned you off by now.’ Andrew spat. Her eyes raised to the sound, he was wearing a grey and dark brown checked shirt over his crusty black top - Shelby was sure he had worn it for the past week. Her eyes ran up to his face: his thin lips were pulled back into a sneer and his eyes were cold and unforgiving. </p><p>His hair was possibly the worst thing about him she thought. It was greasy from the amount of gel he had put in it that morning, like every morning. It made her sick. He made her sick. </p><p>‘You don’t even dress hot anymore,’ he drawled, rolling his eyes and taking another swig from his coke can. Shelby looked down at her outfit, at least he was right about one thing. She hadn’t put much effort into her appearance lately, too melancholy to even think about what she looked like to Andrew for once. She ran her fingers down the pink check skirt she was wearing, it stopped at her mid-thigh. It was the skirt she was wearing when she was with Toni. Her thoughts returned to her happy place, she remembered how Toni’s eyes had devoured her hungrily, running up her legs until her gaze reached Shelby’s dilated pupils. </p><p>‘You look so beautiful’ Toni had said, bringing the girl closer to her, their foreheads resting against each other.</p><p>Shelby’s heart clenched painfully, the memory brought wetness to her eyes and she pushed herself off from Andrew’s car, heading towards the front doors of the school building. He had started to follow her, insistent on keeping his beady eyes on her but she had shrugged him off and told him she was only going to a school council meeting, the ones that bored him out of his mind. He reluctantly agreed, quickly forgetting about her altogether as he turned to one of his boy-hounds who stood obediently at his side. </p><p>Shelby rushed inside and ran to the back exit: she had to use this time to see Toni. It was risky but she couldn’t hold back any longer and anyway, she had an hour and a half to get back unnoticed. </p><p>She knew that Martha had practically adopted Toni. Shelby had gotten closer to her in the English Literature class they both shared. She also knew roughly where the younger girl lived when she had gone round to work on the project they were partners on. Her house was just 10 minutes in the car from the campus, over towards the scrapyard on the heath. </p><p>Shelby had to see Toni, she just had to. </p><p>‘What if she refuses to see me? I have practically ignored her for two weeks’ Shelby groaned. The two hadn’t always got on; once when her father had approached Toni in the carpark in seventh grade, commenting about her life choices and handing her the summer camp leaflet, Toni hadn’t been the same around her. Understandably so. </p><p>She was beginning to regret her decision and the anxiety crawled up her spine making her break a sweat. This was a bad idea: Toni isn’t going to want to see her. </p><p>She worried her lip between her teeth and wiped the sweat from her brow with a shaky hand. </p><p>She hadn’t realised she was pacing outside of Martha’s house until the girl had called out to her. ‘Shelby? What are you doing here?’ She panicked, tears sprung to her eyes and she struggled not to run away at full speed.</p><p>No. She needed to do this.</p><p>‘I…I need to see Toni. I know that might be confusing but please I just need to see her okay, it’s been two weeks and I just need to see her!’ Shelby was breathing heavily now – trying to keep up with the words flowing from her mouth. </p><p>Martha had a concerned look on her face and tried to say something, but Shelby cut her off. ‘Please Martha, is she here? I have an explanation it will only take a minute… I just…I really need to see her.’</p><p>Martha’s face softened and she shut the front door behind her, ‘Toni hasn’t come back home yet, I’m not sure where she is. If I did, I promise I would tell you.’ Shelby looked down at the ground. This was her only chance. ‘Look, whenever she gets back, I will let her know you stopped by okay?’ Martha said optimistically. </p><p>Shelby nodded slowly. That would have to be good enough for now, she glanced at her wristwatch and noticed the time: her meeting finished in twenty minutes. ‘Thank you, Martha, thank you’ she said as she looked the younger girl in the eyes and offered the most reassuring smile she could muster before waving and taking off back down the way she came.  </p><p>Shelby had shot off so quickly she hadn’t noticed the expression of bewilderment on Martha’s face.</p><p>She had to be quick.</p><p>Perhaps her plan hadn’t gone as perfectly as she’d hoped but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was getting back to the school grounds so that Andrew didn’t grow suspicious of her. Just the thought of him telling her father that she had run off somewhere spurred her to speed up. </p><p>She made It back in record time, now all she had to do was make it look like she hadn’t just run at full pelt for twenty minutes in the sweltering heat. She shoved the toilet door open and walked towards the mirror, checking her appearance. She didn’t look too bad: maybe those runs in the morning were paying off. </p><p>She walked the familiar route to where Andrew always parked his truck. She was pleased to see he hadn’t moved an inch from where she had left him. He waved her over and pulled her under his arm, her nose was introduced to the unpleasantly musty smell of his armpits. He didn’t believe in deodorant – it was another thing she disliked about him. Yet she couldn’t find it in herself to be displeased right now. She had fooled him and now Martha was going to let Toni know that’s she had stopped by. It wouldn’t solve the situation completely, but it was more than she could ask for. It would do for now.</p><p>She tucked a blonde strand of hair behind her ear and smiled to herself. Just the thought of Toni chased away the darkness within her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone! To say I was shocked to see people like my writing and want more of it is an understatement. It was very heartwarming and I cannot thank you all enough.</p><p>This chapter was a bit of a rollercoaster as it explored the girls' past and present demons but I hope you enjoyed it none the less! </p><p>Thank you again for reading! Have a wonderful day &lt;3</p><p>p.s - Hi, Brooke!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Toni and Shelby manage to talk after 2 weeks of silence. Will Toni forgive her or is she too blinded by the hurt to listen to the other girl's reasoning, find out in Chapter 3 of The Janitor's Closet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late morning when Toni opened her eyes, she hadn’t slept a pinch last night, her thoughts too consumed by the situation she found herself in. </p><p>There was a weight that seemed to have been lifted from her shoulders though. The knowledge that Shelby had made the effort of stopping by gave her a kind of reassurance that she did still care.</p><p>She hadn’t seen Martha yet; she wasn’t sure she wanted to see her. </p><p>Last night she had been a wreck, and she was embarrassed, to say the least.</p><p>The sight she was met with, in the bathroom mirror proved that. Her eyes were red and sore and she ran her fingers gently over the swollen flesh. Next, her gaze fell to the state of her hair, a handful of brown strands were matted on the top of her head. She groaned.</p><p>It looked like a bird’s nest. Tears welled in her eyes, she looked pitiful like this. Even more so with the glassiness of her bloodshot eyes. She scraped aggressively at them. </p><p>A knock interrupted her self-loathing. </p><p>‘Hold, on.’ She croaked out. </p><p>‘Toni? It’s me – please can I come in?’ Toni rubbed her palms over her face frustratedly. </p><p>She murmured a yes and the bathroom door gave way to Martha. The girl looked tired as well, her hair was unkempt, and she still wore her pajamas from the night before. </p><p>Toni looked at her questioningly. </p><p>‘Sorry to interrupt,’ she offered a sympathetic look, ‘-but I thought you might want to take this?’ Toni’s confusion was short-lived as Martha offered her, her phone. Her eyes strayed to the name at the top of the screen. </p><p>Shelby.</p><p>She was too distracted by the sight to notice Martha slip stealthily out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her.</p><p>‘Martha was she in there?’ A familiar voice filled the silence of the room. Toni's heart stopped at the sound</p><p>‘Hello?’ Shelby’s voice held worry, and Toni could already imagine what the other girl looked like at this moment. Her bottom lip caught gently between her teeth. Her eyes open a little wider than usual. It made her heart clench. </p><p>‘I – I’m here.’ Toni’s voice had sounded shakier than she had intended. </p><p>A shuddered breath was heard on the other side of the call. </p><p>‘Toni.’</p><p>This feeling she felt. This wasn’t normal. </p><p>It felt like the old days. When her mother had picked her up from preschool, a contagious smile etched on her face as she ranted excitedly about her new friend who had drawn the prettiest butterfly or how she had gotten the basketball through the net twice in recess. The other girl's voice brought her back to reality.</p><p>‘I’m so sorry.’ Shelby’s voice was wobblier than hers now. It shook with fragility and tenderness and everything Toni yearned for. </p><p>‘I wanted to speak to you so badly, to see your face and hold you the way that I had that day,’ Shelby rushed out, ‘but daddy he-.’ </p><p>Toni frowned; this must have been what Martha was talking about. Shelby seemed strained to even mention his name. She knew that the man was evil, that he was a homophobe and treated so many people horribly, but surely, he couldn’t treat his own daughter like that.</p><p>‘-it’s just he, he threatened to send me to this camp, this stupid camp,’ she continued, ‘and not just me, he didn’t just threaten me he told me he would hurt you too – somehow, I don’t know how but I don’t want to find out, he ain't someone to play around.’ Toni grimaced. Conversion camp is what sprung to mind. She had heard of them before, in fact, she remembered receiving a pamphlet from Mr. Goodkind at one point. He had approached her in the car park after her school-day had finished.</p><p>‘You need to find yourself Ms. Shalifoe. You are a lost soul and you have lost sight of God. You have given into the temptations. You are infected.’ He had grinned from ear to ear at the fear written across her features.</p><p>‘Please Toni, please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you.’ Shelby’s voice was full of raw emotion, and it pulled at her heartstrings. </p><p>‘Shelby, this -’ She gestured to no one, ‘-this situation you are in is awful and it makes me so angry for you.’ Toni sighed, ‘I was hurt I will admit that, and I was angry too, but when I got back to Martha’s house, she told me that she had found you outside and it relieved me. It gave me hope that maybe you did feel the same way and perhaps I wasn’t such an idiot for thinking you felt the same about me.’ </p><p>She could hear Shelby’s heavy breathing through the phone, almost as if the thought of Toni’s pain being her fault caused the girl to lose her breath. As if the concept of Toni hurting in general, pained her.</p><p>The knowledge clawed at her. Toni knew that this was only going to hurt them both in the long run. She believed Shelby, but Dave Goodkind was cruel and unforgiving – he would never change his opinion on homosexuals, she knew that much. If Shelby and her would ever work the blonde would have to admit to herself that she liked girls or Toni at least. </p><p>But Toni wasn’t sure whether she would ever be able to do that, she knew how manipulating he was, she was aware of the firm grip he had around Shelby and it irked her to no end. It made her think whether this was the right decision. For either of them.</p><p>‘I want to see you so badly. I will see you.’ Shelby interrupted her thoughts, ‘-tonight Toni, meet me tonight – at the field near my house.’ </p><p>Toni remained silent.</p><p>‘Please, Toni.’ Shelby begged; her desperation leaking through the phone clenched tightly between the brunette’s fingers. </p><p>Only the static quality of the call filled the quietness.</p><p>‘I want to see you too Shelby.’ She gave in, she could feel the sincerity in the other girl’s voice. Maybe she was right in saying whatever this was between them was doomed from the start, but she would be damned if she were to shoot the boat, they were both standing in.</p><p>Shelby’s voice sounded more vulnerable when she replied next, ‘You know where to go right?'</p><p>‘Yes, I know where to go Shelby,’ Toni smiled to herself.</p><p>'Okay, good,' despite the other girl not being In front of her, she could sense the relief in her tone. </p><p>'I will see you tonight then.'</p><p>'You will.'</p><p>'Goodbye, Toni.' Shelby said before the call disconnected swiftly.</p><p>'Goodbye.' Toni said, despite knowing the blonde wouldn't hear her.</p><p> Even if this didn’t work out – Shelby was worth it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi guys! I hope you liked this update, currently figuring out how to change some things to do with the titles of each chapter, etc! Have a lovely day - see you soon &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! This is my very first time writing on here. I'm not entirely sure who I am talking to right now lol but if anyone reads this I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. </p><p>I was supposed to be listening to my teacher on my online lesson but couldn't help but be distracted by this idea in my head - the scenario in which Shelby comes across a very hotheaded Toni in the corridor and on a whim decides to do something about it.</p><p>Anyways, thank you for your time, and enjoy the rest of your day, wherever you are &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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